the Crip Guy

Most of what I know about love and heartbreak I learned from Alice. That is why I put her in part 2 of this series. She knew me before I got my trach before my disease started to win, and even before Jacob. She was the first person I texted when I got my cell phone at 16 (probably why I got one). She was at my baptism (ruba dub dub crip in a tub). She has been in my life for a long time. At 20 years old I was going through my trach surgery and one of the worst depressions of my life (Is there a stronger word than depression?). And at that point, I hadn't talked to Alice for about a year because of the "Confessing Feelings" story.  During this dark time, most of my thoughts were about her or revolved around her. I have this unhealthy habit or survival mechanism of latching onto women when life gets extra hard. I did it when I couldn't find a job. I did it when I couldn't keep my apartment. And I did it when I had my trach surgery and I wasn't sure I would ever

I'm doing something different for the next three posts. It will be a three-part collection of some old and brand-new posts talking about love. Most of the stories will revolve around Alice. I have chased love for most of my life. This has led to some truly cringe-worthy and heartbreaking situations in my life. It seemed like even when I stopped chasing love and pretty much gave up on  everything else, love started chasing me. This has never happened in a helpful way. It's mostly in a cruel you will never get what you want kind of way. Unfortunately, that story is for another time. I know my posts have been sporadic but for the next three weeks at least you get to hear me talk about things I really have no idea about (love). I have no idea what it is like but I know I want it. So sit back and get ready for my three-part series on love, heartbreak, crips, and Alice. I'm BACK! Let's get emotional and reflective and stuff.  If you have followed me for a while then you have

I know it's been a while but I have been writing. Some of the stories are pretty depressing and I want to make them mean something. Sometimes the worst parts of life can be used for something good. I love you all very much and know you are not alone in the suck. I hope this means something to someone. It’s a Halloween tutorial post/my Halloween costume! First, this tutorial is from @genevievesdesignstudio it’s an animated ghost. I think it turned out cute except for one mistake. It’s possible to do this tutorial using the cheapest Wacom tablet and about an inch of hand movement, I checked. You’re welcome.  Now back to my costume. It’s been many years since I needed to dress up for a Halloween party (sad already?).  I don’t like going to things by myself and I think it’s hard to find a group of people to hang out with. Between starting families, having careers, and other adventures it’s hard to get together. And not to pull the cripple card but it’s even harder when you add a disabi

Most of you have already read this but, I like to put all of this in one place. It's weird looking back at this time in my life. My body was stronger back then and able to breathe on my own. I was heartbroken during that last year at camp and dealing with some big questions. I was unsure about starting college in the fall but hopeful that I could make something of myself. I looked forward to the person I could become, the memories I would make, and the people I would meet. I have some fun stories from back in my college days. Also, I experienced the worst year of my life during this time (I will tell you later). That last year at camp I was truly happy. Anything was possible and I would fight for a future that I could be proud of. I didn't understand it at the time but camp is like a giant middle finger to sickness. Sometimes the only way to fight is to enjoy your life. Life can still be fun, meaningful, filled with purpose, and heartbreakingly beautiful. You don't have to

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I’m still working on my next blog posts. Chris and Mike, love part 2, and what would it be like to be a dad? Those last two might be conflicting ideas but we will see. This will be a mini post. I did an art tutorial from  @genevievesdesignstudio . It’s simple but, I think it turned out cute. Alright onto the rest of it. I have never had a romantic Valentine’s Day, I know shocker. A lot of my friends have partners and I think that is great. Life is hard and if you can find someone, I think that can make life a little better. However, I am mostly writing to the people that are having a platonic Valentine’s Day. This day might not be awesome for everyone. I want to give those people a little extra encouragement today. I think you are great! Life moves differently for everyone, and people value different things. It might not be your time yet or you might not appreciate a relationship. You’re not weird for not being in a relationship, you’re probably weird fo

No new artwork this week but I have some coming. I have a lot of projects coming up and I am still trying to balance everything. This will be my end of year and what I want to accomplish this year post. I hope this will be my biggest year yet. It doesn’t always seem fair that my body is the weakest it has ever been, but this is the year I want to accomplish more than I ever have. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this week’s post and I look forward to making consistent content, crips and non-crips (crip stands for cripple, violence is bad). Sorry, it took a while to write this end-of-year post. I had some personal stuff that distracted me a little. Also, endings and beginnings can be tough. Everything is fine now. The year is over I can’t believe how fast it went. To be honest I started this year in a pretty dark place. I stopped taking my heart medication and started writing goodbye letters to the people most important in my life (happy end-of-life letters?). After my friend’s son was born, I

  I will give a complete end-of-2022 post soon but until then here is a post about music. When I look back at the previous year, music played a huge role. I think 2022 has been my favorite year since I got my trach. Everyone one of my favorite memories has involved music. Whether it has been an orchestra in the park during a rain storm or the debut show of the Shut-Ins at FBC. Open mic nights, new bands, and a birthday. The Halloween and Christmas show. Practices at my house (I was in a dark place at the time so, sorry for being weird) and just quiet conversations. It was a year of music. Two people helped me a lot that year but I think these small moments saved my life. I think life is weird, funny, lovely, bizarre, hopeful, full of pain, and sometimes you get small perfect moments nestled in the absurdity. I hope these moments come when you most need them. I hope you use them when life is hard and unfair. I hope you don't waste it (that goes for me as well). I think that is enoug