the Crip Guy

Thank you if you if you read part 1 and 2 or if this your first time on the blog. I have never done a three part series before. I hope you get something from this post (clinical depression?). Most of my stories have a layer of sadness. I don't like it either. I will have some comics coming soon to offset this melancholy story. Also if this story has a impact on you please leave a comment. I don't don't know if what I am doing is crazy, so let me know. Now to the rest of the post. I guess I have more to say about this love stuff or maybe just clarify what I have already said. What I wrote before was the hopeful version (oh boy…emo crip time?). Kind of like how I hope I don’t spend the rest of my breathing through a hole in my neck. I hope I can breathe again, I dream about it all the time, but I don’t expect it to happen. I have two parts of my personality the introvert who is a little bit of a downer and a realist. And the extrovert who wants to do everything, wants to be a

Most of what I know about love and heartbreak I learned from Alice. That is why I put her in part 2 of this series. She knew me before I got my trach before my disease started to win, and even before Jacob. She was the first person I texted when I got my cell phone at 16 (probably why I got one). She was at my baptism (ruba dub dub crip in a tub). She has been in my life for a long time. At 20 years old I was going through my trach surgery and one of the worst depressions of my life (Is there a stronger word than depression?). And at that point, I hadn't talked to Alice for about a year because of the "Confessing Feelings" story.  During this dark time, most of my thoughts were about her or revolved around her. I have this unhealthy habit or survival mechanism of latching onto women when life gets extra hard. I did it when I couldn't find a job. I did it when I couldn't keep my apartment. And I did it when I had my trach surgery and I wasn't sure I would ever

I'm doing something different for the next three posts. It will be a three-part collection of some old and brand-new posts talking about love. Most of the stories will revolve around Alice. I have chased love for most of my life. This has led to some truly cringe-worthy and heartbreaking situations in my life. It seemed like even when I stopped chasing love and pretty much gave up on  everything else, love started chasing me. This has never happened in a helpful way. It's mostly in a cruel you will never get what you want kind of way. Unfortunately, that story is for another time. I know my posts have been sporadic but for the next three weeks at least you get to hear me talk about things I really have no idea about (love). I have no idea what it is like but I know I want it. So sit back and get ready for my three-part series on love, heartbreak, crips, and Alice. I'm BACK! Let's get emotional and reflective and stuff.  If you have followed me for a while then you have