2023: A year in review

Do you like recap episodes, flashbacks, and trying to look for the bright side in life? If you said yes to any of those questions you are in the right place. You should still read even if you said no. I need that Dopamine hit from your approval (he's mostly kidding, I think).

Well, that break was longer than I had been planning. My last post was in August and maybe life caught up with me. It's one thing to say you will fight for as long as you can it's another thing to actually live it. When I first started writing these posts it was almost a compulsion. I couldn't stop writing. Crip Guy came from maybe the worst time in my life. The only control I had was writing. And that writing was dark and sad. I'm never sharing those journal entries at least while I am alive. I recently re-read those Journals and I am glad to say I am not in that same headspace. I can't say I feel 100% as you can tell from my post schedule(wait you are still a writer?). What I want to say is that I endured every challenge. It barely hurt and every hardship was an opportunity in disguise. But large parts of this last year just sucked. They left marks and I couldn't just carry on like I did before. Sometimes loss can still hit you even if you think you are at your lowest. I discovered that some things I thought I accepted about my life were far from resolved. I still want all the things even if they are impossible. So for my first post back, I want to talk about how last year went and the future of this blog. Welcome to 2023: A year in review. I would say enjoy but that seems presumptuous, emote the way you want. 

The Bad Stuff

Ok, I will start with the bad stuff. Don't worry I will keep this part relatively short. Let's start with the most important one, my friends died. I already wrote about this but it's the thing that requires me to develop some sort of philosophy about loss, suffering, and death. I will let you in on a little secret I would rather try to ignore that part of life. I still don't have an adequate framework to process what happened at least with any depth. I wasn't as close with them as I should have been in the last few years but they were never far from my thoughts. My dog died and Brandon my brother came really close. That last one still keeps me up some nights. I couldn't help Brandon when he needed me most. Everything else pales in comparison to what I already mentioned. Still, I tried online dating again for about 3 months even though I said I wouldn't (somebody is a glutton for punishment). It was bad and someday when I am more secure in myself I will have a post about it. That is enough of the bad stuff, I have a tendency to dwell on everything and it seems more beneficial to dwell on the good stuff. 

The Good Stuff

Oh boy, there was a ton of good stuff. I will try to keep it succinct(is that one of your strengths?). I went to a bunch of shows. I did stand up in front of a giant crowd and didn't throw up once. I went to a Korean restaurant with some of my favorite people. That was one of my favorite memories of the year. Birthdays were and are a big priority. I got to tell all of my loved ones how much they mean to me in the form of birthday letters. It usually involved them crying at some point (that means I did a good job, right?). To everyone who got a letter last year sorry I made you cry and I love you all more than I can record in words (sappy enough?). I got to spend time with my favorite toddler Thomas. I love that little guy. My best friend Jacob has a work shift with me every week! I don't want to bring everyone down but one of the darkest periods of my life was when I couldn't see him every week. It wasn't because of that it just happened to coincide with that period of my life. Anyway, there are a few people in my life that when they are around it's always a gift. I did a ton of art projects, most of which you have not seen. I would not say I am good yet still I think I am close to having my own style. On top of that, I got to do a bunch of illustrations for all my friends who are having babies. Seriously slow down everyone it takes a while to draw each illustration. My overall favorite part of 2023 was all the people I got to be around. Thank you for all those memories. I really do treasure them.

Overcoming or just living through the bad parts of life makes the good stuff truly the best gift. This might be a weird connection but it makes me think of this wood stove I had growing up. After taking baths we would run to stand in front of that stove. This memory stands out in part because I was still walking at the time. What I remember most is the warmth, that warmth that permeates your entire body. And that is what the good stuff felt like. I'm a giant softy and during my favorite good stuff moments I would close my eyes and try to just live in that moment. I didn't want it to end. One of my friends actually asked if I was asleep. I was not about to tell her how big of an emotional sap I was (good call you might not want to stand out any more than you already do). I live in memories more than most people and I am sure that won't lead to long-term problems.

The best word to summarize 2023 was whiplash. There was a ton of good stuff but some of the bad stuff I won't even talk about in this blog, at least not yet. It was high highs and low lows. It's important to have a few things to work toward even if they are small goals. 

You might be wondering Justin now that you have a super successful blog what's next? An album, dancing with the stars, a talk show? I hate to break it to you but it will probably be more of the same type of blog stuff. I have more stories to share, more tears to shed, and more lives to change. I'm kidding about that last one I'm not that good of a writer. 

Here is a tentative list of upcoming posts and not in any particular order.

Chris (Role Models part 2)

Purple (Role Models part 3)

Josh (Role Models part 4)

Aaron and Charlie (Role Models part 5)

Paulie V

The Juliet saga

The conclusion of the Love saga

A pain in the ass (a surgery story)

Dating 

Lost

Friendships can fade (working title)

Life can hurt and it can be unfair. It can knock you on your butt (he wanted to use a different word). I'm weak and I don't get to be the person I want to be all the time. Life is about those small victories that maybe no one sees. Even during the worst parts of my life, some moments helped me keep going. It didn't fix all the bad stuff still, it gave me some breathing room. I don't know if I am lucky or blessed. I have always had a little help, interpret that as you wish. I hope you have a little help too. If not I'm here to help in any way I can. Just know your little victories are enough. Until next time crips and non-crips, I believe in you!

I did this painting for Christmas sorry it's a little late.