Zelda

Most of you have already read this but, I like to put all of this in one place. It's weird looking back at this time in my life. My body was stronger back then and able to breathe on my own. I was heartbroken during that last year at camp and dealing with some big questions. I was unsure about starting college in the fall but hopeful that I could make something of myself. I looked forward to the person I could become, the memories I would make, and the people I would meet. I have some fun stories from back in my college days. Also, I experienced the worst year of my life during this time (I will tell you later).

That last year at camp I was truly happy. Anything was possible and I would fight for a future that I could be proud of. I didn't understand it at the time but camp is like a giant middle finger to sickness. Sometimes the only way to fight is to enjoy your life. Life can still be fun, meaningful, filled with purpose, and heartbreakingly beautiful. You don't have to wait until you're "healthy" to live a good life, you can start now. Thank you for reading this extra tirade. Please "enjoy" the rest of the post, Zelda was/is an awesome person.

A new challenger approaches (a super smash brothers’ joke? Nerd)! I would like to introduce you to a new character. Zelda is based on a real person and for a few summers in high school, she was my sole focus. I have changed some of the events and names to fit a more cohesive narration. Don’t worry all the stories I tell about Zelda happened at least 13 years ago. One more disclaimer all my “romantic” stories are extremely platonic, with no spicy parts. I have been reading a lot of crip memoirs and every single one has had “spicy” parts. I just want everyone to know in advance. I’m sorry to all the perverts out there that were expecting something else, back to the story. In a life full of hard memories and experiences she is still a memory I cherish. Before I knew what the hell a ventilator was. Before I hired my first nurse and before I questioned if I even had a future, I had a crush on a girl (is that allowed?).

The year was 2000 something, I was 16 when I first met her. My sophomore year just finished and one of the highlights of my year was about to start. Crip camp was the one time a year I could blend into a crowd. Crip camp happened once a year when kids from all over New York got together for a week of swimming, campfires, and other various camp activities. The only thing different about this camp was that every camper had some form of Muscular Dystrophy. Also, it wasn’t really called crip camp, just in case you don’t have my same sense of humor. You would think I would be focused on all the crip comradeship, but you would be wrong. I want to tell you I was mature for my age and wouldn’t do something like go counselor crazy. It turns out I was a stereotypical teenage boy. 

If you are the type of person that would take a week out of your summer to volunteer and help a bunch of disabled kids have a kick-ass week of camp, we will probably be friends. Also, if you are a cute girl my age I will be in deep trouble (blonde hair and blue eyes. Help). Not only was Zelda all these things she was a lifeguard. I would learn later in life that I have a type and a major part of that is if you help other people. Keeping people from drowning at crip camp has got to put you in the top one percent of that archetype (not one person drowned during those three years. Coincidence?). 
During those three years, she was the embodiment of summer. She was warm, cool, funny, and had the greatest smile. It might be because I had a giant crush on her or that it was crip camp, but I swear she could make you feel like the only person in the world when she talked to you. Every year at camp was special however this year I needed camp. 

I had an abysmal senior year before my last crip camp. Severe pneumonia, lack of ability to be with my friends, and heartbreak that left me crying after everyone went to bed. That last one is part of a much larger story. It left me questioning why someone like me should even have feelings of attraction. Was I always going to want something I could never have? Was there something wrong with me besides the terminal disease? halitosis? I wish I had a good answer for you. A piece of hard-earned wisdom. Something to make this part of my life makes sense. I got nothing. Sorry. The truth is I still struggle with these questions and there is a good chance I always will (downer much?). I say all this to tell you that without even knowing any of this because I was not going to tell her back then. Weird how that has changed. She made me feel better just by being herself after that terrible year. We made each other arts and crafts and danced the night away on the last night of camp. I will tell you later why that last part meant everything to me. The big thing I remember about Zelda is that she helped people. If her current occupation, doctor, is any indication that has not changed. I knew from the moment I met her that she was special. Thank you for giving me those few weeks during the summer. Thank you for being there for me and giving me an amazing farewell to crip camp. You made camp better for everyone by being there.

I just wanted to give a little introduction to Zelda. She was important to me and had a big enough impact on my life that I am still writing about her after all this time. I thought eventually the women I have liked would fade into the background but instead, their impact has shaped who I have become. I have a lot more stories about camp and Zelda coming in the next few months. I will also be officially introducing Alice and Juliet soon! Stay tuned for many more embarrassing, sweet, funny, and mostly true stories. I hope these stories entertain you or make you laugh or make you feel less alone when bad things happen in life. Until next time crips and non-crips, I believe in you.