An End and a Start

No new artwork this week but I have some coming. I have a lot of projects coming up and I am still trying to balance everything. This will be my end of year and what I want to accomplish this year post. I hope this will be my biggest year yet. It doesn’t always seem fair that my body is the weakest it has ever been, but this is the year I want to accomplish more than I ever have. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this week’s post and I look forward to making consistent content, crips and non-crips (crip stands for cripple, violence is bad).

Sorry, it took a while to write this end-of-year post. I had some personal stuff that distracted me a little. Also, endings and beginnings can be tough. Everything is fine now. The year is over I can’t believe how fast it went. To be honest I started this year in a pretty dark place. I stopped taking my heart medication and started writing goodbye letters to the people most important in my life (happy end-of-life letters?). After my friend’s son was born, I didn’t have anything left to accomplish. You could say I thought my job was done. Also, I was still a little heartbroken from a friendship that ended a few years ago. If I was a magic eight ball I would say “outlook is bleak”. I don’t want to fight all the time and I was/am tired. The year took some interesting turns. I am glad that it did. I’m glad that I get to share a few more adventures with everybody.

Here is a lesson I have learned from my own life and it's one I still struggle with. It’s okay to be sad or angry at your situation or circumstance. I think life can be terrible, unfair, and hard sometimes. I would not blame you for staying in that mindset. I do think that if you figure out a way through your circumstance or accept it (I still can’t do that second one) there is a life for you. It might not be the life you wanted or expected but it’s yours. I like to think that something good can come out of even the bleakest of situations.

The year ended with a new blog, a bunch of new comics, a new friendship, and a deeper friendship with my oldest friend. The blog was one of the things I didn’t think people would enjoy (it’s a downer sometimes). I basically use it to process my trauma into something “useful” and instead of telling a therapist, I tell the internet (I think he is cheap). The weird part is that the world is so broken people relate to the crazy sh*t I say. You mean people are scared, sad, confused, lost, sick, don’t feel good enough, and can’t fart (I think that last one is just you). I honestly thought walking meant every day was a trip to Disney World. Glad I am not a complete alien so, silver lining?

I don’t know how this new year will go but I am excited to share what I have planned. More blog posts, I will introduce Juliet, more comics I promise, a podcast with my brother called “paid friends” and finally I will be doing Stand-Up comedy sometime in the next couple of months (I said it now I have to do it and of course, I will be making a joke about standing up). I might have an actual date for my first Stand-Up but, it’s still up in the air (keep your expectations low). I’ll let you know when I have more information. If you asked me before I got my trach what my biggest fear was it would be speaking in public. Currently, it’s a little lower on the list but I don’t think I am good at it. I will probably be bombing sometime in February, and you better believe it gets its’ own post. 

I hope everyone takes a risk this year, maybe something dumb (keep it legal). It's mostly because I don't want to embarrass myself alone. I hope you push yourself even if you don’t have to. I hope you grow as a person, and don’t let fear stop you. I want you to fail. Also, curve ball I want you to succeed sometimes because everyone needs a win, even me. I want you to go on adventures and have new experiences with people that care about you (if you’re happiest by yourself do that). At least for me, regret is much more painful than failure so try to live a life without regret (it might still happen). Trust me nothing changes unless you try. Even failing can bring about change. 

I care about all of you very much. I want you to keep pushing even if you might not succeed. Thank you all for reading the blog and your messages. It was one of the highlights of last year. I enjoy hearing from you. If you have any questions you can leave me a comment or just send me a message (smoke signal?). 

Until next time crips and non-crips, I believe in you.

(Not in a gang, crip stands for cripple. Violence is bad)