Friends and the Free Hat

Well, that was a heavy first issue. I can promise you that this issue won’t be as heavy, I think. Do you like hats, fights, and concerts? The title of this comic is Free Hat Guy. The title might be misleading this week because it is not about a guy or a crip. I hate to get your hopes up like that. This comic is based loosely on a true story my friend told me. All you need to know is there was a fight, and a hat was stolen. If you don’t find this one funny that is okay, I think it is hilarious even without crips. Sometimes when you try to inspire people you need people that inspire you first. This issue is dedicated to some of the friends who have inspired me; my family gets their own issue. I think I lied about this not being a heavy issue.

The first person is Jacob. I want to keep this post relatively short so I will not tell you all the things he has done for me, just two. The first is he went to nursing school for me. When I was going through one of the worst times of my life, he went with me. When I was 20 my lungs gave up and I had to have a tracheostomy. Basically, a hole was cut in my throat and a tube was put in so I could breathe. I would have to change my whole caregiving staff to nurses. My previous caregivers not only helped me with everything, but they were also my closest friends. Then all at once, they were gone. Jacob came back and I will always be grateful for that. Even at my worst, I was not alone. The second might sound weird but he got mad at me.

Many years ago, I stopped being a Christian and told Jacob on a trip to five guys. He stopped talking for 30 minutes and then got mad at me. Looking back at this argument I view it very differently. While everyone else in my life was very understanding of me not wanting to be a Christian, he got visibly mad. To Jacob I was the same as him, equals, he did not accept my disability as a reason to leave the church. He expected the same out of me as he expected of himself. Deep down that is what I want the most. I want the same expectations as everyone else because I am the same as everyone else on the inside. Jacob sees me as a complete person. Also, if you want to know my current beliefs just ask.

The second person is Megan. If you ever meet Megan, the first thing you will notice is her warmth. I have met a lot of people, aides, nurses, doctors, and friends. By far she is the kindest, most empathetic, and alive person I have ever met. I haven’t told anyone about this next part (surprise?), but I was done. I stopped drawing, writing, and thinking that anything could get better. I even thought I would never make another friend. I was in a dark place again. I was using the birth of my best friend’s son as my last piece of motivation (don’t be mad). When he was born my job was done. I got to see him get engaged, get married, and start a family. During this tumultuous inner battle, I met Megan. I don’t think I have the words to adequately explain this, but I will try. Her friendship woke me up, and she saved me (I am being a little dramatic but, it’s my story). The last couple of years were just a string of losses. I didn’t have anything left. Some people just inspire by being themselves it’s natural like breathing, I assume (crip joke). Every time she is around it's a blast. It is like when you're a kid and you can make friends without trying. I don't know if I can return what she gave me but I will do my best. Thank you for the video game support, the funny stories that I steal for my comic, for showing up, and for caring about my family. If this blog is successful it's your fault. It’s still a battle, I didn’t magically heal my body but, I feel like me again. I was able to start drawing again and that led to writing and here I am. Maybe I can help someone now. Maybe I can save somebody.

Message 3 final public message

This is my last public message, and I don’t know what I should put in it. I want it to be meaningful to you. I think these messages are a way to have some control. It makes sense, my final public message should be with a comic I drew for you. I’m not good at doing nothing. The healthy version of me would be around you a lot more. I don’t know what the future holds but I had a conversation with a family friend who was about to go to college. And one of the things he was most excited about was finding his people. That really stood out to me. It made me think about you and Jacob. It might be silly but when you are around, I feel like I found my people. One of my favorite memories of this last summer (2023) was going to that Korean restaurant with you, Jacob, Trista, and the rest of my family minus Kenton. The ride to and from the restaurant was just you, Jacob, and Trista. I remember thinking I wish every day could be like this. Being around the people I want to be like as I get older was refreshing to my soul. Just a nice evening with the people I love most in the world and you in that black summer dress. This is a tangent, but I think every memory I have of you will be with me for the rest of my life. The truth is I like the person I am when you are around. He is funny, brave, and creative. That might be why I had such a hard time writing or posting anything this last month. I must look inside when I create anything, and I don’t always like what I see. People have a hard time seeing who I really am. Even you do sometimes. I haven’t told anyone about Juliet yet, but the hardest part of that whole situation was that someone close to me didn’t see me the way I saw myself. If someone that close to me couldn’t understand me how can anyone else. It broke something in me and made me desperate to be understood by someone. I joke about being a cripple a lot and by the end of my friendship I realized that was how she actually saw me. I tell you all of this to say that what I want to leave you is some small understanding of me. Not the best gift I know. It’s not logical, but I want the most from you. I want you to know that no matter what happens you have profoundly impacted my life. I could thank you or write a few more pages easily for this message but I will try to keep it short. You are “my people” even when I can’t see you as often as I would like. You are never that far from my thoughts. I might have said too much with this post, but life is too short not to say what you mean. I want these messages to mean something to you just in case the worst happens. I don’t want to bum anyone out, but I have seen how this disease progresses and currently, it’s not pleasant. With that said I do want to leave a little optimism in this post. If I ever get the chance to fight this disease, I promise you this won’t be my life. If there is ever a chance, I will take it and I will win. Hope writing this isn’t a terrible idea. I think the last thing I will say is if I ever get better, I hope you help me to cross off a few bucket list adventures if you’re free of course. I don’t know how to end this so I will just say see you around and never stop being yourself. Back to the post.

My point besides giving recognition to two amazing individuals and making them uncomfortable is this. People care about you, you have value, and you are loved. If by some chance you do not have people in your life, I value you, I care about you and I love you whoever you are. There is a line in a song that I have been listening to that says, “If you want freedom, you better free someone.” If you want help, help someone. We all need help sometimes. I hope this helped. crips and non-crips. Until next time I believe in you.